I'm Alive!

Yes, it is true. I am alive. Do I have any readers left?!?

On this little vacation of mine, I have been quite busy concerning myself with my fathers multiple hospital stays, surgeries, doctor consultations, etc. I have been swamped at work. Over-my-head may be the better phrase. Also, I have been studying as I am in a two-year, in-depth study course through the Melton Mini-School out of Hebrew University. Lastly, I still have a family--husband, two kids--that I have been spending time with, going to birthday parties, shul activities and the like.

I am looking into a personal trainer at the J because my pants are tight--can't fit into a size 6 anymore and don't have money to upgrade in size. I seem to have also developed heartburn which is an almost daily occurance...need to make a doctor's appointment about that because it *sucks*.

October is over (thank god!). Too many holidays...I think Alia had nine days of school the whole month.

I am looking forward to blogging again so I hope you will stick around!

And So

It isn't easy. This father/cancer thing. My dad and I are a lot a like. Probably the reason we don't get on to well. Well, that and the fact that at some point I got sick of the verbal and physical abuse. And then there is always that "other thing" lurking around.

For 10 years I didn't speak to my father because I couldn't deal with the lurking thing. And I was angry at excuses my other wimpy family counterparts produced with regard to it. But that was long ago.

In the last six, it has been a bit strained. Chandler is the reason we started speaking again. When Chandler came to live with Rob and me. The last three have been friendly, but distant.

He knows my issues. He doesn't disagree that he was not a good father.

We are a lot alike. I inherited his work ethic, intelligence, determination, compassion for others, hard-headedness, pride, ability to survive, leadership, backbone and rising to the top of most if not all things encountered. We are both opinionated. We don't allow others to take advantage of us. We have a great compassion for others but at the same time have a rough-around-the-edges aspect as well.

There were many nights I wished my father were already dead. I can't say I feel that way now. At this moment, I fear he will die in surgery on the 20th of September. It makes my throat hurt, my eyes tear up and my heart feel ripped out.

I hate this.

So Much...So Little

So much to write...so little time to do it.

First of all, I am alive. THere has been much happening and since I have no time to write, here is the quick and dirty update.

1. Boulter's 1 year yartzeit (anniversary of having left this world) came and went and it wasn't pretty.

2. My father has been diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer and it isn't looking great. He undergoes major surgery which includes a tracheotomy and feeding tube and will land him in ICU for 4 to 8 days. If he survives that, they will give radiation and if he survives that, they may try chemo. All this, friends, at the VA Hospital. Needless to say, that doesn't exactly give me confidence.

3. Rob passed his ITA certification and has completed his first home inspection.

4. Alia landed in the hospital ER a couple of weekends ago. After misdiagnosis, she ended up having a virus in the same family of Fifth Disease and Hand, Foot and Mouth disease. She is completely better now.

5. Rob is currently ripping up the kitchen floor to install tile.

6. I started a two-year Melton Mini-School program which is an in-depth Univerisity level theology course on four topic of interest involving Judasim. The curiculum was written by Hebrew University in Israel.

7. Rob and I are exploring Conservative Judaism (no, has nothing to do with politics...those who attend Conservative shuls are generally still liberals).

8. Chandler is still doing well in school despite the continued overload of homework.

School Daze

Chandler's first day of school of yesterday. He is bound and determined to have a great school year and to be a better student. His teacher is the same teacher that Rob had in fifth grade and his first male teacher at that!

Mr. C has two major programs going on in his class--tickets and minutes.

Tickets are given for just about anything--good behavior, random acts of kindness, turning in homework of A or B quality, asking or answering questions in class, etc. They may be kept in the desk of the individual or turned in to Mr. C who also acts as the ticket banker. Tickets my be taken for bad behavior, missing assigments and (the biggie) getting sent to the office (which costs 40 tickets). If one goes into ticket debt, new ones earned are not banked until the debt is paid. Various snacks and items may be purchased with tickets.

Minutes are recorded for read both in and out of school. For each 100 minutes read by a student, a block on a lo-oooong chart is colored in. Chandler claims the chart is 12 feet long. If a student achieves all the blocks being colored in, Mr. C will go to the restaurant of that student's choice (within driving distance) and bring that student back lunch! Last year, the top restaurants were Imo's, China King and McDonalds. Needless to say, Chandler came home and read for THREE HOURS!

During a brief Q&A session, the students asked Mr. C how old he was. The reply (which Chandler relayed wide-eyed) is that Mr. C said that he doesn't give out that information freely...it is like a mystery...he was born during the Korean war. If they kids really want to know his age, they should do a little research!

Single Parenting

I have a pretty good idea what it is like to be a single parent with Rob having been gone practically a week now (one more week to go!). It isn't that much different that when he is there except for one thing--usually he drops them at school around 9:00 a.m. and I pick them up around 3:00 p.m. so they are really only away from one of us for about 6 hours.

Now, with me droppong them off in the wee hours and picking them up afterwards, they go some 8 1/2 to 9 hours without one of us. Talk about guilt! They don't seem to mind but it is awful for me. I can't stand them being away from us for such a long time. It is horrible! I don't know how parents who have to do that stand it. I am alright because I know it is only two weeks out of their life...but still. It isn't easy.

And He's Off...

Rob left yesterday for Chicago for his home inspection training. He arrived last night and said his room is small but comfortable. He drove around and found a synagague, the school and a store for goods all within a couple of minutes. He was pleased.

Alia woke up and asked if Daddy was back yet. Nope. Alright, she said.

The Neck Bone's Connected to the...

It started in my lower back. A pulled muscle from (yes, this is true) wiping the glass top table with windex. I ate several Aleve, moaned and groaned for two nights and plugged in the heating pad.

It moved. To my left shoulder blade. The throbbing, muscle spasm type. I ate several Aleve for several days (being aware of the 10-day limit before imminent liver failure). I moaned, groaned, used the heating pad and complained bitterly about my luck.

It moved again. To my neck. The stiff, stabbing pain type. It is in that stage now. Another two days of Aleve and I will have to switch to ibuprofin.

Must be stress! (Or, I am getting old!)